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Love is a Commitment

The American Dream, build a career, get married, establish a family, buy a house and live happily ever after. I believe every child was fed this picture of an idea as they watched the media, went to school, or even sat at the dinner table in their home. As a young girl, a healthy family was only seen on pictures, magazines, at school or in the neighborhood grocery store.

Seldom, I would see the images flashed across the media in reality. I often wondered why the only shows appealing to me were The Cosby Show , Family Matters, A Different World, and The Fresh Prince of Bel -Air. Yet, after years of becoming, I realized, it was because the actors looked like me and I could relate to the culture. Even though, the families were far from what I witness on a daily basis. These shows still peeked the interest to go after the American Dream.

Lets go deeper……………….

Moreover, the public school system had already begun conditioning me to get a job. Math, Reading and Writing were all subjects that I could learn on my own, had I been condition to learn them at home. But, mommy and daddy, had to work to sustain the life we lived. So, school was a requirement, not a option. At the age of five years old, I had to go to school and be taught the subjects that would later yield me the results of my choices. So, I thought.

You maybe wondering, why would going to school be a problem? It isn’t, but that is dependent on the person’s foundation. Think about it, if your going to school based on an idea that was not your own. Your being condition! You haven’t made a conscious decision to get a job, get married, build a family and buy a house. This reality of the “American Dream”, is an established thought/idea of a life for someone else’s pressure . How do you know at the age of five that you want to live the American Dream ? Or, were condition to believe that’s what you wanted?

So, whats wrong with the American Dream ? Nothing! But, if you never took the time to understand , who you are in a world, country, a body , a spirit and mind. Than how can you say you truly can commit to real love? Which is the idea of the American Dream. We do it all for our family, in the name of “LOVE”!

How can you consciously commit to establishing a career, marriage, and having children, if you never committed to getting to know who you are? Could it be your subconsciously or consciously committing to your idea of love because you’ve been condition too?

The best definition, I seen on commitment is, ” an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action“.

Love is a commitment! When I realize this, I thought….. what have I done?

During childhood, the only time, I would hear the word commitment mentioned was when someone was referring to a romantic relationship. Which now seems odd, as I reflect on the word as a 33 year old single women with a child. I had to commit to having a child. I marvel over the fact that commitment is in fact a choice.

So, why wasn’t I, consciously aware of the choices I’d made in my life that required a life time commitment?

The above question may sound crazy, but as I recall…. There are many people who have sex unprotected, not intentionally trying to have a child. Many people also, drink and drive not intentionally trying to crash. Nevertheless, many people hurt people, not intentionally trying too. How could this be, when we consciously no the consequences of our actions, yet make life time commitments subconsciously?

Subconscious meaning , the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one’s actions and feelings .

Moreover, I didn’t have a choice to choose, if I wanted to go to school neither did my parents. Hmm….. Could this be the beginning of my subconscious choice to adapt to the nature of choosing everyone else but me? When my daughter started kindergarten, I was awaken by the fact, she was forced to sit in a seat and raise her hand before she was developmentally ready.

Let me paint this picture for you …..

According to Piaget’s theory of cognitive development , the pre operational stage is between 2-7 years old. Which is when a child doesn’t understand another person’s perspective. The world revolves around the child . Meaning, whatever the child absorbs is what the child will digest. This is our story people, since we all begun kindergarten at the age of five.

Think about it, when you started kindergarten you were being routinely programmed to live life on someone else terms.Wake up and go to school by 8:00 AM, Sit here, Take lunch at 11:00 AM, Go to Recess, Go home and do homework. No one asked you, who are you, why did God create you for such a time as this, what is your purpose on earth, how do you feel about going to school? Well they didn’t ask your parents either, so subconsciously you fell in line.

From birth to age 5, a child’s brain develops more than at any other time in life. And early brain development has a lasting impact on a child’s ability to learn and succeed in school and life.

Now you may be thinking, OK, what does this have to do with committing to love?

Well….. We know that love is a choice and we must actively choose what we commit too, right? But what happens, when a person subconsciously choose to commitment to someone without ever choosing to take the time to understand who and what LOVE is? Since there are times when you don’t like a person, but to be kind, patient, and selfless, you MUST choose love in that moment. Which is impossible to do, when you’re not SELF AWARE. As a result , your decisions are made from your subconscious mind.

Read that again!……..

See when you’ve been condition to comply based on other people’s standards, you pay less attention to how YOU FEEL. As a result, those demanding unmanageable feelings become the driving force to how you show up and deal with people in the world. When people allow the subconscious mind to run their life, they live a life from the lesser part of their existence. Your subconscious mind isn’t present, it’s a data bank that stores everything you see, do, and feel.

95 percent of brain activity is beyond our conscious awareness. Numerous cognitive neurosciences have conducted studies that have revealed that only 5% of our cognitive activities (decisions, emotions, actions, behavior) is conscious whereas the remaining 95% is generated in a non-conscious manner.

Love is a commitment in context sums up, we must consciously be aware of the love in us, to actively commitment to its nature. Learning to love yourself is the greatest love, you can ever do for anyone you claim to love.

In context, I wanted to uncover how tradition, society and systems get into our subconscious mind and change the awareness of our choices. See if you haven’t learned the essence of who you are, than you will easily give more of you than you should. All in the name of love. So it may not be love your giving because you can’t give true love without first learning loves nature.

The bible tells us, that we overcome by the power of our testimonies. So one should learn how to tell it’s story to receive the power God hid in them. The bible tells us, people are destroyed due to the lack of knowledge.

We know we’ve been condition to live life on other people’s terms since the age of 5. Thus, we didn’t decide to go to school.

Which could be part of the reason why, we let people treat us unkindly, let people lie to us, let people misuse us, give our bodies so freely, self medicate our minds, work jobs we don’t like, spend money we don’t have trying to impress people we don’t like and constantly telling ourselves were alright.

And we think its normal!!!!

Think about it, in school if we didn’t comply, we were labeled bad, uncooperative, out of control, disruptive, insubordinate and disobedient. The same consequence when you don’t look like the images portrayed in the media. Your ugly, if your skin isn’t clear, if you have extra roles, if your teeth isn’t straight,etc. And many of us become depressed because we don’t live up to what we see in other people. I know this all comes from our inability to know what love truly is.

Love is a commitment………

Today, commitment to getting to know more of God. For God is love and that love is in you. You must do the work to cultivate the relationship with God to rebuild your self image and subconscious mind.


Start by looking in the mirror, looking into your eyes and letting your soul speak. See the mirror test, will tell you how you really feel about yourself. From there, pray the serenity prayer and allow God to come into your heart. Everyday strive to love you more. Create boundaries and let your NO be NO and Your Yes be Yes. Commitment to the love in you! I believe in YOU ! REMEMBER……….


  1. AffiliateLabz

    Great content! Super high-quality! Keep it up! 🙂

    • Tikeysh Lemmons

      Thank you for the encouragement